The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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