My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
