Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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