I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
