arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize