I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
