this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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