Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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