just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
