I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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