The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
