I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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