And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
