I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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