i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
