can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
