I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
