Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She has the best kind of daddy issues
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
