Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
