the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
