If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You are a booty call, not a friend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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