no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
