Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
