i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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