were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
