Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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