I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
