Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
