I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
