You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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