she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
