I am in a vortex of obligation.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
