You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
