I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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