he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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