I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
