Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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