and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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