No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
