My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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