Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
