I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
