i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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