I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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