wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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