Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found puke in my bra..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
