Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
