Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
