afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
