I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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