I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
