Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had to cum in my sink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
