I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
