Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
