You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
