Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
