So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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