I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found puke in my bra..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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