The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
