My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
