Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
